Please welcome Charlie Hills, author of the hilarious “diet” book you see over there. ~ Nick
Hi there! Charlie Hills here, on the second stop of my Virtual Book Tour. I wanted to thank Nick for hosting this stop. And it’s not because I get the opportunity to promote my book, but because I finally get to finally realize the life-long dream of every author: the chance to prepare the Unnatural Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich.
Of course, if you’re interested in the book, click here, or visit the links at the bottom of this post. And if you want to win this book, read on for that too. But that’s not what’s important right now. No. Right now you must instead prepare yourself for an epic journey into the depths of my culinary imagination.
I first came up with this idea some twenty years ago. I think it happened one day when I ran across one of these:
Much like pizza, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are, of course, proof of intelligent life in the universe. The first day those two people bumped into each other at the corner and realized this combination was dog-gone good, life hasn’t been the same for us mere mortals.
But one day, while munching on yet another cup, I sat and pondered: what exactly is that stuff inside the peanut butter cup? Because I’ve seen peanut butter before, and this ain’t it. As my mind further strayed from the path, I also thought about these:
That’s a box of jelly donuts, folks, and I thought the same thing: what exactly is that stuff inside a jelly donut? Because I’ve seen jelly before, and that ain’t it. Then it hit me. Oh my. What if I were to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich out of these two items. It sounded wrong. Was I about to embark upon some unholy scientific adventure and end up with a creature known for generations to come as, “Charlie’s Monster”?
But I couldn’t help it. The idea intrigued me so. All I needed was some bread. Tada! Angel Food Cake. It looks like bread—how could this not work?
So finally, after contemplating this for half my life, I decided it was time.
Warning: The following blog post contains scenes of an explicit peanut butter nature. Viewer discretion is advised.
The first step was to extract the peanut butter from the cups. This is a very delicate process because as you all know, exposing Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups to the earth’s atmosphere causes them to vanish immediately. Look what happened to the first set, just seconds after opening the package:
I have no idea what happened to them, so I was more careful with the second package. As far as extracting the filling, turning the cup over and scraping across the bottom seemed to work.
I also tried it with a semi-frozen cup and that seemed to work better. If you try this on your own (note: do not try this on your own), you may want to attempt freezing as well. Anyway, after extracting the filling from four cups and eating the remaining twenty, I ended up with a small bowl of peanut butter, like so:
Next, the jelly! It’s a similar procedure involving the subject, a knife, and a camera under poor lighting. I decided to cut around the center of the donut using some of my mad pumpkin-carving skillz.
I have to admit, this was a view I’d never seen before:
I carefully spooned out the “jelly” and added it to a second bowl. With the two spreads now ready, all I needed was the bread. Cutting angel food cake is also a delicate business. I’m used to thwacking four-inch thick slices off the cake. Getting bread-thin pieces was a bit of a challenge. But we’re talking about history in the making. I had to rise to the occasion.
Spreading the “peanut butter” was more difficult than I expected. It was much stronger than the angle food sandwich infrastructure. I had to pre-spread it in the bowl, then lay the pieces on top of the bread:
The jelly was a similar challenge, the chief danger being the complete destruction of the bread due to the spreading process.
But in the end, the deed was done! The earth didn’t crash into the sun and my house was not surrounded by townsfolk with torches and pitchforks.
“The Unnatural Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich, along with veggie sticks, green grapes, and milk is part of this complete breakfast!”
Rachel, ever eager to play the part of my guinea pig for all the internets to marvel at, prepares to take the first bite of the monster:
There she goes!
And the verdict?
Hmmm… apparently not her cup of tea. By now, however, I was brimming over with excitement. After all, I’d been thinking about this moment for decades. I had to try it myself. Here I go….
You know what? I actually liked it. Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking. And the first bite was a bit … strange. The peanut butter gave it a bit of grittiness for which I was unprepared. But once I got past that, I ate the whole thing without a problem. And also without ice cream. It occurred to me too late that this would have gone great with ice cream. Although, in hindsight, I should have served it with a side of garbage disposal.
Oh, and about my book? Well, you can read more about it here. Or if you like my writing in spite of the above subject matter, check out my blog. And as for the virtual book tour: if you missed yesterday’s stop, visit Slim Shoppin. For tomorrow, stop by Roni’s Weigh for some reader Q & A action. See you there!
Book Giveaway
Win Charlie’s book “Why Your Last Diet Failed You” by simply leaving a comment. Earn a second entry for the drawing by linking to this “Unnatural Peanut Butter Sandwich” post from your website. A winner will be chosen at random on April 24th!
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I’ve never written down a recipe on a “never to make” list. Until now. Charlie, that jelly looks radioactive.
hahahahahahahaha this cracks me up!
That jelly is NEON!!! Crazyness.
HAHA!! This guest post is amazing :-D
LOVE the guest post, Charlie!
That is hilarious! What I want to know is, what happened to the chocolate part of the Reese’s and the donut part of the jelly donut? Hmmm???
Bananas. You forgot the banana. You know, that banana flavoring stuff they use in Banana Bomb Pops or Banana flavored ice cream.
LOL! did I miss the part on why you did this? fat free angel cake is a no no; it’s awful tasting I think that’s why the “project pb&j” failed.
It’s the oddest thing, Lynn: that stuff vaporized too. I have no idea where it went.
Neon jelly, FTW!
Who knew you could extract peanut butter from a Reese’s peanut butter cup and a jelly donut!!
OMG, I was laughing so hard. I think I would have had the same look as Rachel!
This is funny. And gross.
Good to see Charlie posting here and I can’t wait to read his book and hope he gets his publishers to publish via Kindle.
But if not, it’s okay.
This unnatural peanutbutter sandwich looks nasty. And I also know what’s inside peanut butter cups..or can make something that tastes exactly like them.
It’s not a diet recipe.
you should’ve made a chocolate donut to go along with this, combining the reese ’shells’ with the empty donut
that was quite a tragedy with that first set of reese’s pb cups! glad the second set survived long enough for you to get the PB out. their disappearing act is truly an unexplained phenomenon worthy of unsolved mysteries! ;)
This is a hilarious story! I don’t think I’d have ever thought of something like this, but now I certainly know it doesn’t work!
Thanks for the laughs :)
That’s unbelievably creative. What a sandwich!
hahaha… your story made me laugh!!! i would like to win your book- looks interesting :)
That was a very creative and daring task. I would love to read more about your adventures in your new book.
The sandwich sounds (and looks like a good idea) but after thinking about it, I’m not sure how the flavors would go together. Never thought of extracting the peanut butter from a reese’s cup before :-)
Sounds like something I might actually do….
Excellent guest post! I had a lot of fun reading it but will likely steer clear of trying it :)
That is hilarious!! Can I have one?
you are a brave brave man. And funny too! Thanks for the laugh – and the inspiration.
Great guest post! Charlie is the best!
I’m all for pb & j sammies, and I’m all for being creative, but I dunno. I think I’ll keep my Reese PB Cups & Jelly Donuts intact!
Who knew? Never thought about it actually. I don’t eat jelly donuts, but I’ll seriously have to consider warding off Reese’s. Sigh.
Great post!
I want the book!
Love the guest post Charlie, but its not insulin worthy for me! :D
Ahaha love it. You’re so creative Charlie!
Mmm Reese’s.
This was so funny. The “jelly” is scary!
Eeeeeuuuuuuuu!
If the book is half as funny as this post, I’m sure it will be great!
awesome sandwich! and awesome sounding book!
We better contact the Food Network channel, I think they’re ready for a show starring you (and of course, our favorite, PB!)
reeses peanut butter cup peanut butter is so wonderful.
p.s. this post = hilarious.
I’m actually surprised by how *little* jelly there was in that donut. I feel like whenever I eat a jelly-filled, it’s just exploding with jelly…but I suppose that what they WANT us to think!
Thanks for the guest post…hope I win the book!
I will not be making that any time soon. First of all, the chocolate is part of what makes Reese’s good. Secondly, if you do take the peanut butter part out why not just add it to the jelly donut instead of introduing the angel food cake? But mostly, just bleh! :-)
But I want the book!
hehe, love that pb&j :)
Disgusting! Thanks for validating our will to eat more naturally.
Of course Rachel hates it. She’s a Mikey. She hates everything.
Okay. Being queen of Reeces and having the hips to prove it, I have to say I think you made a couple of mistakes here.
1. Forget angel food cake. Just halve the donut and stick the Reeces inside it.
2. Leave the Reeces intact when inserting into donut. Chocolate IS YUMMY!!
3. Take it to the county fair or dig out your Fry Daddy and DEEP FRY this baby. Because everyone knows that melty chocolate and melty peanut butter in a double-fried donut is way, way better than its room-termerature counterpart.
This is powerful stuff.